The 1% of Americans who believe they have been abducted by aliens (2 million people!) are wrong, because aliens don’t abduct people; they take cars. Here is a typical example, seen on Cherry Lane just outside Alsager today :
The alien who took over this vehicle was trying to look inconspicuous by reading an Earth comic – as I cycled by I noticed it’s title began with ‘S’ and may have been Sun or Sport.
I clocked it at once because it was doing what no genuine citizen of planet Earth would do, i.e. leaving its engine running while it sat there deciphering English text. This is the typical modus operandi of the inhabitants of planet Etsaw, who send in scouts to damage and hopefully destroy the dominant species on planets that they wish to colonise or exploit.
Infiltrators from Etsaw are getting more frequent, as I see at least one on every cycling trip. What disturbs me most about them is that our authorities at local or national level have not come up with any strategies at all to prevent this pretty blatant attack on our biosphere. What’s even more scary is that this may be why they are targetting us, having realised our inability to take simple protective measures.
As an emergency measure I suggest that we take the registration number of abducted vehicles and report them to the local police – at least then the car can be returned to its earthling owner who will switch it off.